Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
