The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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