OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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