I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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