why didn't you poke me back
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
