I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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