Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
