Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
