Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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