Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize