Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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