so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
