At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
