dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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