She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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