Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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