would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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