when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
