under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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