Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize