I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
