What a fucking waste of an outfit
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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