So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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