elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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