I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
