I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
