omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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