i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
