just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
bring money and cleavage
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Randomize