Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My bed smells like the plague
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
