I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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