I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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