Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My vagina just recognized that song.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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