i just sent this text using only my big toe
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
