Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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