That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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