I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
