Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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