JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
