Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
