If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Barsexuality is the new black.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
