A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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