MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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