my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
