So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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