I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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