My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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