I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i think my cat just said my name.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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