i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
