she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm at about main and main street
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
