what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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