I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
