if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize