i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
