he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
