I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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