mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
