Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
