Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize