thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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