if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
