Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
