I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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